TV Lesbians

Not having done a hell of a lot with their dizzy gay male couple, Desperate Housewives has now introduced a lesbian couple -- sort of. It all started when one of the housewives discovered that her late ex-husband had left her a topless bar that he owned. She convinced one of the strippers to seek a different line of work, and this gal moved in with Katherine [Dana Delaney, pictured] who lived across the street from housewife one. Katherine had supposedly been strictly heterosexual to that point. In fact, she had a nervous breakdown when the man she lived with went back to his ex-wife (the same housewife one] and re-married her. Meanwhile her new roommate -- the ex-stripper -- confided in her that she was a "card-carrying" lesbian. The ex-stripper was a sexy, very feminine gal -- the kind guys call a "babe" -- and it's interesting that they resisted making her a typical TV bisexual [more on that later]. Katherine, who might more accurately be called a bisexual (although this was not suggested and the term was never used), couldn't deny her attraction to the ex-stripper, and the two not only went to bed together but more or less became a couple. This in spite of the fact that Katherine tired to convince the other gal -- and herself -- that she was really totally heterosexual. In the most recent episode Katherine decided that she wanted to pursue a relationship with the ex-stripper, but hated having her neighbors knowing all about them -- so they are apparently going to move out of the neighborhood [and perhaps leave the show?]

We all know that it's not that unusual for people to come to grips with their homosexuality as they approach middle-age or later [Katherine is 40], so I wasn't necessarily bothered by that factor. I'm not certain why a "card carrying" fully accepting lesbian would necessarily want to pursue a relationship with someone who is still clearly full of internalized homophobia. Of course, Katherine -- while not a "babe" like the ex-stripper as such -- is quite attractive, and has a lot of love to give. In any case, neither woman is stereotypically butch and I guess that's a plus. Now if only they could work on those two silly gay guys.

On a show called Melrose Place -- a new version of the old series -- there is a character named Ella. In all the press releases and write ups on the show it was mentioned that Ella is "bisexual." She's a typical TV bisexual in that she has no LGBT identity of any kind, is seen making out passionately with a couple of women, but is only shown in bed with guys. Recently she tried having a relationship with a guy named Jonah, but she found it too smothering. Maybe because she prefers women? The show simply won't deal with it. They had an openly gay guy who was Ella's boss -- and who was written out as soon as Heather Locklear rejoined the cast so that she could become Ella's boss -- but the word bisexual has never been used, and neither Ella nor her friends ever talk about it. It's as if the people behind the series said "We'll make Ella 'bisexual' to be contemporary, and maybe straight guys will tune in to see this babe making out with chicks. But she'll never be, like, a dyke."

If Melrose Place really wanted to be hip, it would have made Ella a "card-carrying" lesbian who perhaps interacted with men for career reasons [not that she doesn't do that] but for now she's just a cartoon bisexual -- or maybe not even that as they haven't shown her flirting or kissing another gal in months.

Sheesh. The shows I have to sit through just to monitor gay images!

Law and Order: SVU Hits Rock Bottom

You know I've complained that I'd like to see an honest-to-goodness gay activist on one of the Law and Order programs, but what they gave us instead on last night's Law and Order: SVU [3/3/10] was anything but.

Comedienne Kathy Griffin [who seems to have latched onto the LGBT community as some sort of audience niche] played Babs Duffy, supposedly a lesbian activist who heads a group with a cute name. Although she is criticized by another character for concentrating on lesbians instead of the whole LGBT spectrum,- -- what's wrong with that; I mean, she is a lesbian [more on that later] -- she snidely snaps at Detectives Benson (Mariska Hargitay) and Stabler (Christopher Meloni) when they say they support the LGBT community: "That's L G B T Q I A community!" [Yes, the Q is for questioning, the I is for intersexed, and the A is not for Asexual but for Allies. Stabler remarks that he just isn't up on his political correctness and I could have kissed him, even though Meloni is not my type.]

So right away we're getting inconsistencies. But it gets worse.

Babs is all worked up because she believes an unknown man is targeting lesbians. It turns out that she's right. But one of the first suspects is actually the lesbian lover of the first victim; she is a very tough, aggressive, and violent lady. The show's recurring gay character, the nice Asian-American psychiatrist, of course explains that the gay/lesbian community is just as diverse as any other community -- very good point -- and this rather butch brutal lesbian is only one type of gay gal.

It's good that this point is made because the show also has one lesbian saying "we don't hang out with a lot of men," and completely ignoring the male Stabler, when most of the lesbians I've met not only don't ignore men but have many loving male friends.

Meanwhile Babs, who's so concerned about this investigation, bothers to stop to sort of flirt with the pretty D.A., and even comes on to Detective Benson.

But wouldn't you know there's a Law and Order twist, which might have looked good on paper but is just disastrous. The strident, ever-so-lesbian Babs has actually been dating a man for the past few months and told no one. Seems that at about age forty-five she realized she was also attracted to the opposite sex. She's realized that she's actually bisexual.

At age forty-five?

I mean, she never noticed that she found some men attractive long before that? Are we to believe that? True, she may have spent most of her time with women in her adult years, but surely she hung out with some guys in high school and college. Surely she saw men in magazine and TV ads. I mean, come on!

I'm sure the writer -- a guy named Daniel Truly [truly you jest!] thought this was very clever and all pc and hip bisexual and all that -- but it's also remarkably stupid.

People may repress their homosexuality -- but their heterosexuality! I doubt it. If Babs came to realize -- rightly or wrongly -- that she was bisexual, why wouldn't she have re-invented herself as a bisexual activist long before this? I mean, they do exist after all.

It's almost as if they were reinventing that awful old cliche: a woman is only a "dyke" until she meets the right man -- giving it a pc "bi" twist. But it still comes off as Godawful!

Realism was sacrificed for the all-important twist, but Truly could have delivered the twist and saved himself from severe script embarrassment in a very simple manner. Suppose Babs had been romancing this guy not because she was bisexual, but because she suspected he was the killer and wanted to get inside his head or something along those lines. Sure, when she finds out the killer is targeting her she's understandably "petrified," but she also comes off as a pretty tough broad. In any case, the show could have come up with a more believable explanation for why she was involved with this mysterious fellow.

At least Truly resisted making Babs straight. Just as we've now got imbeciles claiming that some guys who seek out sex with men [outside of prison, mind you] are really straight, I figure it's only a matter of time before there will be dumb-nuts claiming that some women who seek out gals to have sex with are really hetero as well.

Now I have met a few obnoxious gay activists in my day, and I have certainly met a few totally obnoxious bi-identified women, but Babs -- lesbian or bi -- gets the prize for one of the most obnoxious activists of any stripe ever. In her belligerence [it is suggested she acts like a nasty "dyke" to cover up her craving for men or some such stupidity] she comes off more like a caricature than a real person. I don't think Griffin will be getting a Emmy for this portrayal; in any case she doesn't deserve one as her performance is only average.

Even more annoying is that the publicity for the show claimed that Griffin shared a kiss with Mariska Hargitay. Never happened. Instead Griffin -- as Babs -- locked lips with Christopher Meloni and asked male Detective Stabler to call her for a date.

So this is Law and Order's idea of a "lesbian activist!"

Were there changes made to the script? Did supposedly gay-friendly Griffin ultimately balk at the idea of playing a "dyke" and prefer to go "bi" instead, sharing a kiss with the male detective instead of the female? [Frankly a kiss between Babs and Olivia Benson would have been ridiculous, as Benson has never been depicted as either gay or bi in all these years, but did they have to go to the other extreme instead?]

At least the script had enough sensitivity -- if you could call it that -- for Babs to realize that many of her followers would feel betrayed [it wasn't clear if she had a lesbian lover or not, who would especially feel betrayed on more than one level] and it didn't go so far as to make them out to be "biphobic" bigots, although who knows what would have happened had there been enough time to go into all of the ramifications. Like I've said before, the fast-moving Law and Order programs throw all sorts of things and issues out at the viewer but never take time -- never have time -- to explore these issues in any great depth.

In any case, middle-aged gays who "suddenly" realize that they're attracted to the opposite sex are generally just unhappy people who want to go straight -- they are not militant lesbian activists who simply took, like, half of their lives to realize they were really bi! The very idea is not only ludicrous but idiotic; even offensive.

So I'm still waiting for a real gay activist to show up on Law and Order.

Batwoman is a Lesbian

Okay. There's been a shake-up in the wonderful world of Batman. Dick Grayson, the first boy partner known as Robin (who became known as Nightwing when he grew up) has taken over the role and costume of Batman, while Bruce Wayne, the original Batman, is either dead or missing. The new Robin is a snot-nosed ten-year-old with attitude. [Of course Batman could have been charged with endangering a minor were it not for dramatic license.]

But for our purposes, the more interesting news from the comic front is that the new Batwoman is an Out and Proud Lesbian.

This new take on Batwoman [there was another character by that name way back in the sixties] was introduced some time ago in a DC Comics maxi-series called 52. She was revealed as a lesbian when she was caught checking out a woman. [I thought it was kind of a tacky debut myself.] Now she's been given her own series in the front of Detective Comics, beginning with issue # 854. [This is the same Detective Comics in which Batman debuted way back in the 1930's. No wonder he retired. He's really old! By the way DC Comics takes its name from Detective Comics, not from AC-DC.]

In her real identity, Batwoman, Kate, is wealthy (like Bruce Wayne) and has a girlfriend, a lawyer named Anna, who is very jealous. She doesn't know her gal pal is Batwoman, so she thinks all those late nights out are spent in the beds of other women. She wants a serious relationship and thought that Kate wanted the same. "The thing that kills me is that I like you, Kate, I really do. You're smart, you're sexy, you've got a sense of humor, and you don't think fabrics begin and end with flannel." [Oops! Stereotyping alert anyone?]

The Batwoman series has interesting art by J. H. Williams III. The strip is written by Greg Rucka, about whom I know nothing. He's been quoted as saying that Batwoman is "Out and Proud" and will stay that way. I hope he resists making her bi and getting her involved in a straight relationship. There are so few gay characters in comics as it is. The lesbian community is as diverse as the gay male community, but will Rucka make her a realistic gay person? But how can anyone who dresses up in a bat outfit and fights crime be realistic? In other words, he'll have to be granted some leeway, but still ... At least she's not a super-butch caricature.

One of the most interesting lesbian characters in comic books was a female cop who appeared in Superman stories around ten or so years ago. The Man of Steel was definitely sympathetic and pro-gay in those tales. She was in a committed relationship and had a daughter from an earlier life. Don't know if she's still around.

Is Batwoman perhaps a leather lesbian? Maybe in one issue she can join the Lesbian Sex Mafia [this is a real group of lesbians into the leather/kink/s&m/fetish scene]. But that's too obvious a way to go.

Barbara Walters Special: Elderly Women Will Turn Lesbian

Okay, there was a Barbara Walters special on longevity one night early in April 2008. Most of the show was fairly superficial, going into the expected stuff such as cryogenics [freezing bodies until such a time as a cure for whatever killed you is found, at which point you'll be defrosted. Aside from the simple fact that everyone you know may be dead and your money long since spent by the people you left it to, there is the simple problem that -- even if they've found the cure for cancer or heart disease -- you're still dead. Nobody ever talks about keeping you frozen until a method is found to, like, resuscitate corpses.]

But I digress. Late in the program, Baba Waba introduces us to a man named Stephen J. Dubner, author of a book called "Freakonomics." This man, an ABC news correspondent and expert on economics, apparently fancies himself an expert on (homo)sexuality as well. Talking with Barbara about the effects of people living longer, resulting in there being a larger elderly population in the U.S., Dubner says that it may decrease prejudice against the elderly. But one problem, he says, is that women generally outlive men, including their husbands (although one would imagine all of these life-lengthening treatments might correct that disparity) so there will be a dearth of older men for the widows and other elderly ladies to have relationships with. Therefore, according to "Dubner and Dumber," there will be much "elderly lesbianism" in the future.

Huh?

I sent Dubner the following email:

Re. your comments on the Barbara Walters special earlier tonight (that since women generally outlive men, there will be a shortage of men in the golden years and therefore there will be a lot of "elderly lesbianism.") What on earth what you were thinking?

Now if you were saying that some elderly women who have been closeted lesbians or bisexuals throughout their lives will come out of the closet in old age, it might have made some sense. But to suggest that old women will simply turn homo because there aren't enough older men around makes no sense whatsoever (what about younger men, for Pete's sake?).Same-sex episodes (or rapes) among straight men I can understand in prisons. But somehow I can't see women who have been legitimately straight all their lives suddenly going gay as if it were something you could turn on and off like a switch. When I think of the long struggle it can be for many people to accept themselves, and how being gay is about so much more than sex, and how it's not a "lifestyle" but a life, it's ridiculous for you to reduce it to "not enough men around -- just go lesbian."

A lot of progress has been made by gay rights over the years, but comments like yours make me realize we've still got a hell of a long way to go when it comes to being understood.

With all due respect stick to economics and leave the comments on (homo) sexuality to others, okay?

To date I've received no reply.

Here's One to the Ladies!

Okay, in my last post I covered straight guys in gay bars -- now it's the ladies turn.

There have always been women -- sometimes gay, often straight -- in most gay bars. I have to say right off the bat that I hate the term "hag fag," as I find it demeaning to both gay men and women. Not every woman who goes into a gay bar is a stereotypical "hag fag" in any case. In most cases she's simply a woman who has gay friends. The stereotypical "hag fag" is a woman of low self-esteem who hangs around gay men because she supposedly figures no straight man will ever want her. The gay guys may not shun her, except when they're heavily cruising, but hag fags aren't always without some homophobic attitudes. Just as unpopular kids who band together in junior high can wind up resenting each other, some hag fags can wind up resenting the gay men who provide their only social outlet. (Am I the only one who saw a little of this attitude expressed in that silly show Will and Grace?) They really would rather be with what they think of as "men" (i.e. straight guys). And I've no doubt some of the old-fashioned hag fags were deeply repressed lesbians.

Hopefully that kind of pre-Stonewall era is behind us, but I thought a lot of pre-Stonewall notions were behind us and I've been mistaken.

Anyway, I thought of straight women in gay bars recently when I came across a review on a web site of one of my favorite hang outs in New York. On this same site I gave it a rave four-star review. A young straight-identified woman gave it one star and said all the customers were in "la la land" -- whatever the hell that means. She gave four stars to a bar down the street that also caters to a middle-aged crowd of gay guys. What's the difference?

Well, a lot may have depended on her level of intoxication. I think at the second bar she loved so much she happened to run into a few drunk older gay guys (or maybe she accompanied some gay friends) who weren't cruising and were perfectly happy to talk to her. At my bar of choice she may have ventured in by herself, or maybe her friends abandoned her, or maybe the guys in the bar understandably preferred to talk to their fellow hunky gay guys than to a young woman they didn't even know, especially if they were on cruise alert. Naturally, she hates the bar because no one paid attention to her. More on this later.

A quick story: In this same bar I've had a couple of conversations with a middle-aged, possibly senior female who identifies variously as lesbian or bisexual. She's a perfectly nice gal, if not exactly what I'm looking for when I go into this bar. Now one night she came in on a busy, crowded Saturday when I was on a date. It should have been apparent to all that I and my date were very into each other. Nevertheless, when she greeted me I was friendly, and to my date's credit, he was friendly with her, too, even though he hadn't met her before. We talked awhile and she disappeared into the crowd.

She came back a while later and said the men in the bar were sexist. Why? Because no one would talk to her.

"They're not sexist," I told her. "They're horny. It's Saturday night and they want to get laid." Besides, as I've often said, gay men go to gay bars primarily to meet and hang out with other gay men. Especially in a place like this ultra-male cruise bar (it is not some quaint piano bar with a relaxed, "open door" policy, although straights are admitted if they seem cool). She seemed to understand where I was coming from, but who knows?

She really annoyed me with this "sexist" crap, however, since I and my date -- who had other things on our minds, believe me -- went out of our way to be nice to her.

Now back to the straight gal who hated the bar because no one paid attention to her. Have you ever been in a gay bar and heard a shrill, braying voice in the distance, and seen a woman carrying on and being as loud as possible, just begging to be looked at? This phenomenon occurs when a straight woman feels no one is paying her enough attention; she's gonna make the gay guys sit up and pay attention to her no matter what. She's in a room full of men -- regardless of what kind -- and she isn't about to be ignored. Perhaps she thinks in her inebriation that she's so god damn hot that even gay guys will be panting with lust for her. (I'm sure she wouldn't like it if her gay male friends followed her into a straight singles bar and expected her to drop everything and ignore the cute straight guy whose number she was hoping to secure.) Another problem with women like this is that they're the type who think of gay men as "accessories."

It's great that there are straight women who like gay guys (but don't assume even today that this means they can't be homophobic on some level). But there's a big difference between intelligent, sophisticated women who simply happen to have gay friends that they socialize with at parties or at each other's homes, and "wild and crazy" gals who want to party down with the gay boys and be the life of the party -- hell, she'll put the gay boys to shame -- even if she is a woman. There are gals like this who insist that all gay men love them when in truth most of us just wish one of their gay pals would buy her another drink so she'd pass out already and stop being so damn loud and obnoxious.

Then we have the gals who go into gay bars to ogle supposedly straight go go boys. These gals rarely accompany gay friends and are often no more gay-friendly than their homophobic boyfriends. When they start littering up a gay bar, it's time to move on. And a relatively new wrinkle are the clueless ladies who for some reason date men who work in gay bars. Is there anything worse than straight women who come into a gay bar to flirt with the bartender -- and vice versa. [For the record I think heterosexuals (and the bi-identified) who flirt with and/or pick up members of the opposite sex in gay bars are total dorks.] Of course, some women in gay bars don't even want to talk to gay men. Often they're women in relationships who are there to have a girl's night out and are in a gay bar just so that no "boorish het guys" will bother them.)

I've met some great straight women and had some wonderful conversations with them in some gay bars. I like women, and have always supported women's rights. I have both straight and gay female friends and relatives that I love and always have fun with (although generally not in gay bars -- and I can't say I've ever been into straight women who were supposedly "gay icons," whatever the hell that means). But, as I've said before, some women in certain gay bars can be too much of a distraction and detract from the all-male, homoerotic atmosphere. Some women appreciate this and fully understand where I'm coming from.

Others just don't get it at all.

In my last post I explained why some gay men, myself included, can do without straight bartenders in gay bars. I think some gay men would rather have a straight bartender than a female one, even a lesbian. (I think I would prefer a lesbian bartender over a straight guy -- at least they're gay.) This isn't necessarily due to misogyny, but to that all-male atmosphere I referred to above. At least a straight guy is a guy, and he can be ogled even if he bristles at the mere suggestion that he might be interested in ogling back or more.

Anyway, gay, straight, whozit, whatzit, let's just party and not worry about it.

It's enough to drive you to drink, eh?

A Shot of Sheer Stupidity

MTV, the network that's brought us such intellectual programs as The Real World and Jackass, has now come out with another "gem," A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila. The modestly-attractive Tila [photo on left] is a reality show participant who's bent on stardom and -- even with the absence of any discernable talent -- will do just about anything to get it. She's started on a course that may remind some of Anne Heche, who used a relationship with Ellen Degeneres to kick-start her career.

Tila identifies as bisexual. Which is strange because she's said that her new reality show will help her decide whether she likes boys or girls (and here I thought bisexuals already knew that they liked both). The premise of the show is that Tila will date 16 straight men and 16 lesbians and then decide on who will be her lover. The twist is that the men and women will not be told that they'll be competing against each other until the second episode. (On this episode one gay woman wisely packs up and gets the hell out of there.)

I know there are people -- mostly the very young, stupid and possibly bi-identified -- who will say that the show is a breath of fresh air, so enlightened and liberated, fun for gays, straights and bi's.,that one would have to be an old meanie to object to it. Actually I think anyone would half a brain would see this merde for exactly what it is. A show that has absolutely nothing to do with gay (or even bi) pride and more enlightened attitudes and everything to do with simple exploitation and even homophobia, an even stupider show than Gay, Straight or Taken.

First of all, the outcome of this show was never in doubt. Did anyone seriously not think, in true Anne Heche fashion, that "bisexual" Tila would pick a guy in the final episode -- which is exactly what she does (wouldn't it be funny if he were a closeted homo?). Is there anyone of intelligence who does not see that the celebrity-seeking Tequila might be willing to neck with women to turn on straight male executives (and what is that about anyway?) but isn't willing to enter into a real live lesbian relationship for the cameras. [NOTE: Straight guys only get turned on by women getting it on together -- for whatever reason -- if the women are boobed babes -- as well as boobs -- and are definitely not total lesbians.] Tila is using a kind of mock bisexuality -- and this should insult the bi-identified as much as gays -- to be hip and different, to get attention, knowing as long as she suggests she's also or mainly into dick she won't be considered an icky "dyke." Going "straight" worked for Anne Heche, after all (does anyone think any of Heche's marriages to men will be particularly long-lasting?) If you want to believe that either Tequila or Heche are bi or straight, be my guest, but don't ask this doubting Thomas to agree with you.

So in the final episode Tila predictably picks a guy while the attractive lesbian gets to walk off into the sunset by herself. Gee -- this has nothing to do with the fact we live in a homophobic world? There is no talk about sexual identity, internalized homophobia, or any of the other factors that may have influenced her decision -- it's just show biz, as insubstantial and fluffy as cotton candy. Of course, let's not feel too sorry for the gay gal, who should have taken a hike as soon as she discovered the dumb deception behind the show (one woman honestly thought the program was a ground-breaking lesbian-only dating show and was proud to be part of it until she discovered the truth.)

I only watched the final episode, but gleaned other information from reviews and the like on the web. On one episode, one of the allegedly straight guys tells the other men that they shouldn't be upset that they lost an athletic competition to the lesbians because "they're really men, after all." Yes -- that's the level of discussion on homosexuality on A Shot at Love, which only manages to debase lesbians, especially those who aren't of the "babe" variety.

Bay Windows published an especially good review of the program by Linda Rodriguez, which can be found by searching their website. And there is an amusing write-up of the show by Susan Norfleet at the blog queersighted.

The End of "Gay Rights"

No, there's no more Gay Rights Movement.

Now there's just the LGBT – or GLBT-- movement. (Sometimes I call it the Bacon, Lettuce and Tomato Movement.)

The justification for this is obvious. By combining the numbers of gays and lesbians with the numbers of bisexuals (real or imagined) and transvestites (presumably straight as well as gay?) and transsexuals for political purposes you get a much larger minority group and this can have long-term benefits in terms of both voting and spending power. Even gay-friendly groups seem to be illogically lowering the percentage of gays in the world via various bullshit “studies” so it seems necessary to lump all the sexual minorities under one umbrella.

Still...

I consider myself a Gay Activist – not an LGBT activist. The reasons are simple. Out of the other sexual minorities under the umbrella, I identify the most with lesbians simply because they, like me, are gay. I identify with bisexuals only when they're in long-term same-sex relationships (otherwise – to be frank – I have little use for them and they for me). And I identify with transvestites (straight or gay) and transsexuals not at all. True, I have met some drag queens (the term used for gay men who are also transvestites) but I relate to them as gay men only. While I am not like the fellow who once wrote about transsexuals that they were “these sad fucks who want to change their sex,” I admit I have always been very happy being a guy and would never want to change it. I have researched transsexuals and believe there are some people who legitimately feel that they were born into the wrong biological body. “Nature” does need a little “correcting.”

The vast majority of gay men have no interest in dressing up as the opposite sex and do not in any way see themselves as being female. Yet, Gay Culture seems to be dominated by images of drag queens everywhere you look. They are featured in ads for certain gay bars that make it seem as if the place is wall to wall with cross-dressers. Naturally, some bars cater to the drag scene much more than others. You rarely if ever see drag queens (except on Halloween, when most of them are just “ordinary” gay guys in costume) in the butcher bars like Ty's, Rawhide, or the Eagle.

I have nothing against drag queens. I like most of the ones I've met and spoken to. But they're just one small segment of the gay population and our media makes it seem like they constitute 75% of the community. Those men who are very heavily into the drag scene – who basically dress and live like women most of the time – are a very different kind of animal from me. I wish them well, but I can't and won't speak for them – although I deplore any kind of patronizing or prejudicial attitude against them – nor they for me. Many of these guys might as well be women [not that there's anything wrong in that!] but for the actual sex change.

As for transsexuals, they, too, are a way different breed from the typical gay man. Someone once theorized that trannies are essentially homosexual men who are so appalled at the notion of being gay that they would rather change their sex – becoming heterosexual women instead of gay men – then come out of the closet. Well ... I admit that's a little far-fetched. I mean, coming out of the closet seems a whole lot simpler and less shocking to the family than getting a sex change operation. Although I do recall seeing a talk show in which a transgender person announced to all who would listen that she was sick of people thinking she was a fag. Lovely. And exceedingly hypocritical.

The older brother of a childhood friend of mine changed into a woman at the ripe old age of sixty. On one hand, I thought it incredible that he would go through such a major life change at such an age, but he probably figured it's either now or never. How he must have wrestled with the disparity between his inner mind and outer body for all of his life. Since he was apparently always a woman even before he had the operation, I suppose you can't say he was ever really homosexual even if he was primarily attracted to males. If his primary attraction was to females, I suppose he was and is a lesbian. Who knows? I hope he's happy as I remember him as being a nice guy.

20/20 did a show on transsexuals who were aware at a surprisingly early age that they were trapped in the wrong body. I was bothered by the fact that the mother of one young boy-who-should-have-been-a girl wondered if his opposite sex characteristics meant he was gay instead of transsexual (the poor kid wanted to cut off his penis; I don't think he was gay.). It bothered me because I got the feeling that the woman was one of these parents who feel that if their son can throw a football he couldn't possibly be gay.

I'm glad I watched the 20/20 report however because it also introduced us to a young “woman” who was convinced that she was really a man. There was absolutely nothing "freakish" about her – she simply seemed like a nice, rather manly young fellow. Not "mannish" like a stereotypical lesbian (not to say they are in any way "freakish"), but manly. I had a very positive reaction to him which made me feel much better after the negative reaction I had to a photo in an ad for a recent leather “black party” in which gay guys -- bears -- are encouraged to spend a marathon of hours dancing and partying. The big guest and main image of the party was a female-to-male transsexual who had a mustache and all the usual regalia associated with the leather scene. I thought it odd that the symbol of this supposedly hyper-macho event was a woman, although I reminded myself that he really wasn't a woman anymore if he ever had been. Still, my mind shrieked out “what a freak!” when I saw his picture and I immediately felt guilty for thinking it. I admit it may be terrible that I think this way, but I would rather not meet a person in, say, a leather bar and go home with them, only to discover they were once a biological female. And what on earth would the “penis” look like? On the other hand, I am well aware that this gentleman is a human being as worthy of respect as any other. [And I'm probably not his type, either!] He probably has a tough enough time living day to day without any LGBTers making it worse for him, so if he's been embraced by this community -- if no other -- I say fine. Still, I just can't think of him as a gay guy like me. Sorry. (I assume he was attracted to men both before and after the sex change. But gee -- maybe he's straight. Although he's more likely to get a date with a gay guy than a straight woman -- but who the hell knows?)

Part of the problem is that male to female transvestites and transsexuals have become "commonplace" -- for lack of a better word -- while the opposite is comparatively rare. Or at least it seems that way. (Perhaps they get less publicity. And lesbian drag kings -- I have no idea how many there are -- haven't developed this huge cultural image or interest the way that gay drag queens have.) For better or worse, sex change operations -- while nothing new -- are still a little "out there" for most people. Which perhaps makes the people who get them a bit braver and tougher or just more desperate, in the sense that they must live as a man -- or woman -- or literally die.

But I think this underlines the fact that while gays and transgenders may both be sexual minorities (far fewer trannies than gays, let's face it) they are really totally different in a thousand ways. Gays and Lesbians are gay brothers and sisters. And bisexuals? ... we'll tackle them in another post or two.

Let me make it clear that I am decidedly against discrimination against any of the groups under the LGBT umbrella. My attitudes about some groups may be politically incorrect at times but that doesn't mean I "hate" anybody. But I can't in good conscience speak out about the specific issues affecting, say, the transgender community when they are simply not issues that affect me in any great way nor which I have any special familiarity with. (It goes without saying that I am aware that all the different LGBT factions suffer from some degree of discrimination and this has created a kind of bond that is perhaps more informal and tacit than actual.) The Gay community alone has important issues that need to be dealt with and there are any number of Bi and Transgender activists who can address the issues affecting those particular communities.

The Gay Activist Alliance became a single issue civil rights organization after the Gay Liberation Front fell apart because its members were always running off to one meeting or action after another for various causes and political issues; the struggle for Gay Rights was lost in a sea of general activism. It was decided that GAA would concentrate strictly on Gay Rights. The group could certainly issue statements of support for other civil rights organizations and individual members could attend any protest meeting or conference etc. that they wanted to. But the main focus was always Gay Rights.

GAA may be long gone, and I may not be officially affiliated with any organization, but I'm still proud to be a GAY activist.

The F*G jokes go on

Talking about the recent lesbian spring event, Jay Leno quipped that they held “a wet lumberjack shirt contest” (as opposed to a feminine wet T-shirt contest, ha ha!) as his pet band leader dutifully guffawed. Then Leno mimicked someone writing a letter in protest, a lame attempt to make the point that if you protested the joke you had no sense of humor. Well, I have a great sense of humor, but I've heard stuff like this too often over the years. It's basically a "fag joke," even if that and the “dyke” word weren't used. If Ellen Degeneres told this joke – although she probably wouldn't (and if she did I would suggest that she, like Leno, needs better, fresher material) – would it be funny? Maybe it would depend on the delivery, if there was a certain sense of irony. But gay humor as interpreted by a gay comic can become a fag joke when told by a straight person, especially one as clueless as Leno. I'm sure Leno might tell you that the joke should be categorized as one of those that's “so offensive it's inoffensive,” that the political incorrectness was deliberate and not meant to be hurtful, that we need to get over ourselves, and that of course he knows all lesbians are not super-butch caricatures (not that I mean to put down any lesbian regardless of where she lies in the butch to femme spectrum). But does he? Leno is typical of the snide straight comic who feigns sophistication with matters gay but in reality he's just another hetero who thinks “who are they kidding? Dykes are all butch, ugly and mannish in their apparel.” Does anyone think he really knows any better?

I've no doubt even some gays may say “it's not that bad, it's silly, you gotta have a sense of humor” but I say that I've heard too many jokes like this over too many years to find them even remotely amusing anymore, if ever. The joke is old hat, tiresome -- it and endless variations of it have been done countless times before. It isn't clever or witty, it's witless and unoriginal. And, yes, it's homophobic.

An aside: sadly I know there are some gay men who have issues with gay women ( and vice versa) and may have laughed along with the rest of the audience. To them I would say try making a gender switch with the joke and insert, say, hairdressing contest or something along those lines. I'm offended by anti-lesbian jokes because it's the put-down of a gay person, and I'm a gay person, albeit male. If you laugh at the put-down of a lesbian, you're laughing at a put-down of yourself. (One of the many problems I had with the program Will and Grace was its generally dismissive and crude attitude towards gay women; I also object to put-downs of women in general.)

But there's something worse. Several months ago a young gay man sent a letter to Leno complaining about all the gay put-downs on the Tonight show; the letter circulated the Internet. Leno's pantomime of an angry gay or lesbian writing him a letter pretty much says what Leno thought of the very well-written and impassioned missive he received from the young gay man who'd simply had enough of his crap.

You see, people like Leno truly think of gays as a small oddball section of the universe. It probably never occurred to him that some lesbians, vacationing in New York, would even come to see his show tonight (even if it is entirely geared toward a straight middle-class audience) because they wanted to see a particular celebrity or just wanted a chance to see themselves on TV. If any lesbians did attend the taping, I can imagine how they felt: diminished, belittled, dehumanized. Comics like Leno tell fag jokes – and make no mistake that that's what they are – because to them gays are virtually invisible, and therefore their feelings don't really matter. He can't be bothered worrying about a bunch of freaks who, in his opinion, are a minuscule part of his audience.

When I was in the Gay Activists Alliance in New York I exchanged a series of letters with the producer of the Tonight Show when Johnny Carson was behind the desk. He was polite, somewhat interested, but I had a feeling I never really got through to him. But now decades have gone by, and we're still not “getting through” to people. Then as now, some people will get it and some people won't, either because they're too narrow to understand the message or don't care to stop, listen and cogitate on something that is basically outside their narrow sphere of utter self-absorption.

It's fair to say there will be no big change in the near-future.