Pesky Flies

Okay, a few months ago as I reported I was at a party at the gay -- I mean, LGBT -- center on 13th Street in Manhattan. Towards the end of the party this very inebriated woman began a conversation with me. "My boyfriend used to be gay," she said. (And this at the LGBT center.)

"I don't think it works that way," I told her. Taking pity, I decided to take a stab as well. "Do you mean he's bisexual and happened to fall in love with a woman?"

"That's right!" she said. "A lot of people don't get that." (No kidding.)

I felt like saying, "well, why didn't you say that in the first place instead of saying he used to be gay, which sounds moronic" -- but she was too drunk.

The boyfriend flounced into the room and believe me he was the gayest thing in New York City. Right away I pretty much knew who was paying the bills.

Some how I got on this gal's invitation email list so I get invites to parties that I have no desire to attend. On her web site she has photos of "her boys" -- I guess all the gay men she's managed to sleep with or whatever. Jeez, there's (supposedly) a lot more straight men in this world than gay men, can't she find herself a straight guy and leave the gay (or bi) guys to us men?

Now I've met gals like this before. They're basically "fag hags" -- a term that I hate since it's disparaging of both gay men and women in general -- although today they often use the term "fruit flies." (Get it? Fruit? Fruit fly. Ha ha! How progressive!) On another post I mentioned how "fag hags" often suffered from severe lack of esteem and could be quite homophobic as well. The whole concept of "fag hag" is dated anyway. There are plenty of straight women who happen to have a few gay friends, big deal. The idea of a woman completely immersing herself in gay culture instead of finding a straight boyfriend and having a few gay friends has always been a little pathetic anyway. But at least the "fag hags" of old didn't try to date or sleep with the gay guys they hung out with. Today's "fruit flies" or ffs take it a step further. They turn their gay pals into boyfriends. Oy vey!

Most if not all of these women have bucks, either from good jobs or-- more likely -- trust funds. They have plenty of free time. Since they suffer from low self-esteem they somehow feel more womanly or sexier or something if they can seduce a man who's essentially homosexual. (Since their boyfriends tend to be very effeminate maybe they're just repressed lesbians. They stroke them in bed while they dream about Jodie Foster.) Well, I'm sure there are a lot of Starving Artist Gay Guys who are only too willing to be seduced by a woman if a new wardrobe, a beautiful apartment, and never-having-to-pay-another-bill-again (until the ff finds a new victim) goes along with the occasional foray into pussy during which they desperately ponder Brad Pitt or whoever just to keep it up. [So there we have it. She dreams about Jodie, he thinks about Brad, and as they're screwing or whatever they think they're both being heterosexual!]

FFs can be reasonably attractive women, but they are never "babes." Real babes can have their pick of men and they don't need to raid the gay bars for their next date.

I believe I saw this particular gal -- I think she calls herself Madame Frutefly or something similarly silly -- at one of my local hang outs a couple of weeks ago [what on earth were they doing there?] and she was with her nelly (not that there's anything wrong with that ) boyfriend or maybe he was a different one -- I mean, who can tell? -- In any case when he kissed her on the lips at what appeared to be her direction he not only looked uncomfortable but as if he'd rather be kissing just about any man in the room, and the bar was full of middle-aged (or to the young nelly guy's mind old) guys and some even had beer -- or bear -- bellies which I'm sure he detests but believe me he'd have rather swapped spit with any of them instead of his girlfriend -- who, of course, was buying the drinks. But then again -- nelly guy, modestly attractive older woman -- for all I know this was another ff and another boyfriend entirely. I'm sorry but they all look alike.

These pseudo-relationships last until the gal moves on or the guy finds -- well, a guy -- who can foot the bills or who will promise to make him a star. Maybe he'll even fall in love and risk poverty. Or maybe the ff will kick the guy out if she finds him in bed with a man about 20,000 times too often. Or she finds another nelly guy who looks even more like Jodie Foster. Who knows?

The thing is that ffs aren't really pro-gay. Their attitude is strictly pre-Stonewall. They won't accept that gay men should be with other gay men. They try and convince their boyfriends that they're bi when in most cases they aren't. They're not about helping men accept their gayness, they're about helping men repress it. Of course some ffs are smart enough to know that you can only repress so far, and they maintain an open relationship in which the nelly boyfriend can on occasion have sex with a guy (thank God, thank God, thank God thinks nelly boyfriend as he finally gets to have more fun in bed.)

But the eventual fate of most ffs is that they either run out of time or patience (despite the claims of the ex-gay movement you really can't turn a gay man straight) and move back to the small town that they all come from. (Not the same town, of course, but you never know. Maybe there's a place in New Jersey or Arkansas that spits these gals out.) Once there they marry the pudgy chiropodist or chiropractor and think "well, he's straight and he's a complete bore but at least when he makes love to me he's thinking about me and not Brad Pitt."

But she's wrong, of course.

He's thinking about Jodie Foster.